Saturday, August 29, 2009

The upside of Seattle rain

It is raining today. In the Seattle area that may not mean much but in the pocket of Apple Lane it is a blessing. This means that everyone stays inside. So, we can open our windows and not hear the monotonous screams of "Artie don't do that," "Lola get back here," "Sasha where are you," or any of the terrible names the couples call eachother in their front lawns. Plus, likely due to the potholes, less people drive through here in the rain. This means there are fewer questionable vehicles and people driving past our front window. And of course, no children playing in front of our door. Oh how nice it is to take Domino outside in the rain :)

So basically, yay for Seattle rain!!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Monday, August 24, 2009

Like a Cracker Jack box

We each have a flower bed area in front of our duplexes. Everyone else has planted some actual flowers amongst the weeds and rocks. The previous tennants of our apartment attempted some gardening in it but ended up with mainly weeds and rocks. We are still denying that we are living here I think, because we left the weeds to make their statement. Well a few days ago I decided that they had to go, I think there was some dead mint in there and it really stunk! So, I spent a little while digging up the weeds. Deana drove by and said "oh, that looks better" as if our little patch of overgrown "gardening" was slumming the place down!

Turns out, I should have maybe left the weeds because underneath was a death bed for our neighbors toys and junk. I finally got up the nerve to grab a garbage bag today and clean it out and this is a small sampling of what I found; about 7 matchstick cars, 4 pieces of broken chalk, a used firecracker, too many marbles to count, lip gloss, some indistinguishable leftovers, and of course...cigarette butts galore! (this "flower bed" is about 4'x1')

What can I plant that is very very thorny.....

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Who knew ice cream could be found in hell?!

Summer is nice for many reasons; we get to be home together during the day a lot of the time, its nice out, we get to go to the park almost every day with Domino. Its just a nice refreshing change. Unfortunately though summer also brings the worlds most annoying ice cream truck to our little community. Now I loved the ice cream truck when I was a kid, but it was a real, nostalgic ice cream truck. This one literally is an old van with stickers on it. Plus, it plays 1 song repetitively at top volume until you want to cannibalize your own ears!

As if the "truck" itself isn't annoying enough, of course our community makes it even more so. The thing drives up our driveway and stops directly outside of our window. Seriously, every time, right outside the open window in our living room! Why ours? We are the only people who don't buy ice cream! Once it stops (still playing the music, mind you) the kids from apartment #3 run out to get their ice cream....a few minutes later all the other random kids playing around the duplexes run over to get their ice cream...you would think that this would provide enough time for everyone to decide that they want ice cream and get themselves over to the "truck", but of course not! It never fails that every time, Tom from apartment #1 has to come out and stop the lady (just when she was finally leaving!) so that he can get his ice cream too. Plus, he never knows what he wants! Grr.....
video
Here is what I don't understand; all of these people are on government assistance and yet they can afford overpriced ice cream every stinkin' day! How the hell does that work? We drag ourselves over to Winco to experience that delightful store anytime we want ice cream. Why is it that we have to spend our hard earned money on cheap ice cream plus our hard earned tax dollars on their expensive (an probably much better) ice cream?! Plus, we have to listen to the ice cream truck from hell while they decide which item of overpriced goodness they want that day!

I have vented now and I feel better, who wants ice cream?!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Hep C anyone?

I came home last night around 7pm to find a makeshift tattoo shop set up outside of the back apartment. That's right, I said outside! A guy who we saw at the "yard sale" during the day was sitting on a rocking chair that was broken and had a "free" sign on it tattooing some other guys who we have never seen before.
Rachel got home a few hours later and the tattooing was still going on. A new straggler was being tattooed though and they had a desk lamp rigged up to the rocking chair so he could see. Hepatitis C by lamplight!

side note: Janet complained to Mr. S about the junk yard in our front yard so he came over and told Britney and Marty that they have to close up shop I guess. There was a sign along the road saying "free stuff" and they have finally cleaned a lot of it up. By "cleaned up" I mean they overfilled our dumpster and put the rest into a compacted pile in the front yard. I am sure the garbage men won't take the garbage since it is overflowing and the future of that "tidy" pile is yet to be determined.....

Monday, August 17, 2009

Blocking the world out

I made a post about our neighbors in apartment #3 and their sense of entitlement about our SHARED front porch. To eliminate the chance of repeating myself here is the link; blog about porch.
So, my friend Lynn helped me fashion a curtain to put up separating our porch. Our hope was that it would serve many purposes;

a) give them the oh-so-subtle hint that their crap (toys, chairs, tables!, kids, garbage, and cigarette butts) only belongs on their side of the porch.

b) ward off at least some of the cigarette smoke smell that wafts over and in our window.

c) save us and our dog from tripping over their kids or toys (always directly in front of our door) and breaking a leg.

d) and of course, blocking our view of them and their mess!

We were apprehensive and didn't want to get our hopes up. We figured that the more likely scenario would be that the kids would pull it down, smear mud all over it, or use it as a toy and therefore spend even more time in front of our door. Much to our surprise though, it worked! Quite often we get to hear the parents yelling at the kids (I am saying kids plural because somehow there are always multiple kids there even though only 1 lives there) to stay on their side of the curtain. Yay!

But, the best part is that our view changed from this:




to this!:




The color of sanity is a red curtain!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Junk sale

Britney and Marty in apartment #1 are friends with 2 guys who we call Bill and Bob. Bill and Bob are a mystery to us, they drive a U-haul style truck filled with what can only be described as Goodwill-reject junk, and tons of it! They drive it over here, open the back, and let Britney, Marty, and Deana go hog wild searching through it for more junk to fill their packed carports. Up until last weekend this has mearly been an entertaining event for us to witness. But, last weekend Britney decided to have a "yard sale" with all of this crap. The front yard was filled with it. We were a bit disturbed about this and rather embarrassed when my mom came over, but figured we could handle it for a weekend.


Well...we underestimated their ghetto-ness. The "yard sale" has now been going on for 10 days! That means that for the last 10 days our front yard (the area directly visible from the main road) has been reconfigured into a junk yard, awesome.

We were excited when it rained last week, figuring they would throw the ruined crap into the garbage where it belonged....but no such luck. They just put the sign up again a few days later. Now it is a wet and moldy junk sale. The best part is that Bill and Bob bring new stuff over every other day or so. This can only lead us to imagine that this junk sale is going to be a new staple in our front yard. I guess our little community may as well look to the public as ghetto as it really is.

ps: Everyone else has contributed some of their carport crap to this event. We simply attempt to hide our disgust as we drive by, further alienating us from the community and reinforcing our status as the "hermit bitchy lesbians." Don't you worry though, we wear that label proudly!!

Welcome to Apple Lane!

We used to live in a wonderful apartment in a nice area. It was quiet, had a dog walking trail, and was surrounded by nice houses. But, good things can only last so long. The old grouchy couple across the street started complaining to Mr. S about us (as in those sin-filled lesbians) living across the street. What they had as a basis beyond our lesbianism, I have no idea because we are quiet and respectful despite our sinful lifestyle (insert witty sarcasm when reading the word "sinful" please!). But alas, it worked as really only 1 of us was technically supposed to be living there. To his credit, as Mr. S was kicking us out, he offered another of his properties in another area. Enter Apple Lane.....

Here is a visual; we are 3 single level duplexes hugging a long driveway. The driveway is littered with potholes so that a sports bra is required to drive through. There is technically a car port for each duplex but ours is the only 1 being used for it's intended purpose. The rest are makeshift storage areas for all the crap that doesn't fit into an apartment when you cram twice the amount of people it was built for into it. So that leaves the pothole filled driveway to double as a parking lot/dead car graveyard.





Ok, now for the "community"....
I am pretty sure that us 2 and Janet are the only ones with jobs. Everyone else gets a convenient little check from the mailman on a consistent basis, gotta love the effectiveness of our tax system! Deana makes money in a much more effective way though judging by the amount of traffic in and out of her place. Britney leaves the house usually at night to either go out and drink or to the more likely scenario (in my mind) of "working." The rest of the inhabitants of this lovely neighborhood just basically sit around waiting for something to happen. As far as the canine population goes there is; our Domino who is always taken care of and leashed, Sasha who runs around barking at anything and everything, Lola who is a vicious little land shark who roams the streets, and Blackie who doesn't even technically live here but thinks he owns the place, picking fights with all the other dogs and pooping in every yard.

Ok, that is a basic overview of our lovely community. Now sit back and enjoy the show as it unfolds from our living room window!